October 21, 2019  (Web Review)

Satanic Panic

RLJ Films, 89 min., not rated, DVD: $27.99, Blu-ray: $28.99, Oct. 22

Reviewer rating: 1.5/4

A pizza delivery girl finds herself targeted by a bunch of upper-crust customers as a potential sacrificial victim in this horror comedy that fails miserably on both counts. Sam (Hayley Griffith) is the new kid on the staff, relegated to the worst routes where she routinely receives zero tips. Sam agrees to deliver a large order to a mansion in a ritzy part of town, where she is not only stiffed as usual, but her motorcycle also fails to start. On entering the house to seek help, she finds a bunch of red-robed Satanists being directed by snooty Danica Ross (Rebecca Romijn) and her shrill assistant Gypsy (Arden Myrin) in a dark ritual designed to summon the demon Baphomet, who demands a virginal sacrifice to be impregnated with his offspring. Since Danica has had to shelve the idea of using her own daughter Judi (Ruby Modine) as the requisite victim—a prologue reveals her having sex—she focuses on Sam as a possible replacement. In her desperation to escape, Sam frees Judi from her captors and the two join forces. Mayhem and bloodletting ensue. A shred of social commentary can be detected in Satanic Panic—the idea that the “little people” are always treated badly by the rich and powerful—but for the most part the movie is just a cheaply made, puerile, one-joke affair that is also poorly acted. Not recommended. (F. Swietek)